Asparagus update-conundrum

So I have the lacy ferns and a couple asparagus-like shoots are coming out. I don't know what to do next. Do I eat them? What if I need them for later? What if, when I harvest them, I'm actually killing the plant? What if the first couple are poisonous? How many aspargus will eventually come out? I only have three seedlings--what if that only makes three asparagus? And then I'll have three asparagus a season for fifteen years. Strangely enough, I can't find the answer online. I know, right? I even looked in a--get this--book. No dice. I've found that, a lot of times, written materials only pretend to be instructional, when actually you have to know something about the subject matter to use the information. If I knew, I wouldn't need a book, now would I? I'm probably going to have to buy one of those The Complete Ignorant Asshole's Guide to Asparagus, though first I'll have to get past the feeling of complete ignorant asshole-osity that attends needing a book like that.

Thoughts I had while not blogging

1. I was wondering about the people who complained, during the Presidential campaign, that Barack Obama was too smart to be President. They wanted a President who had an intelligence level more like them. I for one am glad President Obama is much smarter than I am. I can't even reconcile my check book on Quickbooks properly; someone close to my intelligence level would deal with the current economic crisis by minimizing the window and checking out celebrity gossip. So yeah, where are those people now? Probably selling oranges on the side of the freeway, missing the Hamptons and regretting that they never Googled "ponzi scheme."

2. I was listening to commercial radio, and there seems, nowadays, to be a lot of songs serenading the stripper. Rappers who love strippers and the strippers who love them. Who knew that the booty bounce could make someone fall in love with you? And that men like being relationships with women whose job it is to take off their clothes and tantalize other men--because it makes the woman financially independent? The logic is fascinating and mind-boggling.

3. Can you ever be "whelmed" or "undated" or offer "thank"? Just one thank, when you're only marginally grateful. Don't want people to get big-headed just because they held the elevator for you.